Friday, December 16, 2011

The Astrologer

It’s not everyday you meet an astrologer right at your doorstep. I remember that during my childhood I had seen some astrologers,locally called  as “bud Budike” used to appear at dawn and impress us by telling all our family history and then instill fear about the future, give some false solutions to get out of it and go away after our purse was considerably light. But that was some 20 years ago.I meant, in recent times, its not  everyday you meet an astrologer right at your doorstep.

So here he was, as holy as ever, with that enchanting serene smile, right at my doorstep. It was early in the morning with not much people on the road except the milk and the paper boys and other health conscious people walking or jogging and making good sleepers like us jealous.Even though I generally do not entertain Sadhus, this one looked different. He had a different aura  and I felt there was something divine about him.

He smiled at me and said

“By looking at your face , I can say your name starts with the letter P or I.”

I doubted that someone must have told him my name , but since I had recently shifted my house , none in this area knew my name.So his guess was based on pure chance I thought. But then it had a one in 26 chances to be right.So to get more information I needed to accept this.

“Yes , My name is Ikshvaku.How did you know?”, I asked.

“That’s written on your face my child” , he replied nonchalantly.

Oh my God, did someone tattoo my name on my face when I was asleep last night? Hangover  style ? This crude thought was ruled out as I was alone that night and I don't drink.

“And looking at it , I can even say you must have 2 siblings”

Now this was getting interesting.

“Yes !! One brother and a sister “ , I exclaimed , unable to contain my excitement.

That he must be observing our house to find this out was ruled out as my sister worked in Pune and had not yet been to this new house.

         “ What else is written on my face ?” I asked ( hoping that the writing was legible enough for him to read without any difficulty ).

  He just smiled. I could almost see the Halo around his head.I just waited to see what else he knew about me !!

I desperately hoped that he does not ask me to show my palm.Now that would be very bland and every other astrologer on the footpath could do it.And my wish was granted. He gave me a chalk and asked to draw anything that came to my mind at that instant.

I drew a map of India.( Ok Ok, don't get senti .wipe your tears and continue reading).

He said “ By the direction you started drawing , I can infer that your office in the North from here”

This time I was totally impressed.I told him he was right again.

“It also tells me you were born at a place with is in the North direction from this place.”

Bingo !!

He studied my drawing for 2 minutes and said he can say more but will need some baksheesh (tips) for his talent.

I was not yet convinced that he had superhuman knowledge to be able to guess everything correct about me but I surely wanted to find out.

I paid him what he wanted to and the next 2-3 minutes was unbelievable.

He guessed my age, my hobbies , the kind of books I might like and the kind of movies I enjoy .Everything he told was bang on.

Now I could not deny that I was super impressed with him. I asked him the secret of his wisdom and he just smiled and started to leave

As a mark of respect for his talent, I gave him couple of bucks more.

He said, “ I don't accept money for something which I have not done. So I will take this opportunity and tell you one more fact about you. You have exactly 494 friends right now” Saying this he left.

It was after this I changed my facebook privacy settings from pubic to private !!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The lost mobile complication


Found a mobile (Samsung Galaxy) in meeting room Utkarsh. It’s at WS-420. Please collect it in case it’s yours.



Screamed a mail in my mailbox.
Opening the same , I found it was sent to the whole mailing list. When you are in office doing the monotonous work, like robots, anything which distracts you is welcome.
So reading the mail, everyone who was acting as if they were very busy in their work, seizing the opportunity made a beeline to workstation WS-420.
Not that everyone was particularly interested in trying to find out the actual owner. Some thought it was a welcome break. Some felt it was a nice opportunity to talk to Goodguggu (she was a fresher) while others wanted to see which model the phone is.

Now that everyone reached WS-420 and found that the phone was not locked and hence could check its features .The gizmo freaks got at work. 2-3 levels of angry birds were completed, all features were scanned and review was completed. It was accepted by everyone that no one will check the photos/videos .So there was nothing else to do except one thing.
Yes, you guessed it right. Return the mobile to its rightful owner.

Being a professional team that we are, we started brainstorming how this could we achieve this arduous task.
After brainstorming for a good 3 min and 8 seconds, these were the options:
a)     Submit to the “lost and found” section.
b)   Send the mail to a larger group.
c)     Wait for the owner to call.
d)   Write on the Utkarsh  meeting room whiteboard about the whereabouts of the mobile.
e)   Other silly solutions given by team mates to get the girls to giggle and impress them ;)

And while they were contemplating on which is the best solution, there was a employee working hard at his desk trying to question the very existence of a “if loop” in some part of the code. He was
Yes, you are right again this time. God, you are getting good at this.
Yes it was me. As I mentioned only the “actors” were at WS-420, not the hard workers.

As is the case always after everyone puts their thoughts and brainstorm for the time equal to the lifespan of mayfly, I come up with a super supreme epic idea that just forces other ideas to go into exile.

So here was I, slowly raising my head , adjusting my eyeglasses and suggesting:
“Why don’t you call some person in the contact list and ask them whose mobile is this. Then you can find that person in our intranet and just give it to him at his desk?”
(Ok Ok, I know you did not get how I was sure that it was “his” mobile and not “hers” , well no female worth her salt can stay away from mobile for more than 18 seconds as confirmed by the International Mobile User Survey -2011. So I was sure this was a guy who yet did not have a girlfriend.)

The laptops bowed in honor of my suggestion. The mobiles beeped in glee.

Now the mobile returners set on another arduous journey of whom to call:


They voted on whom to call. I voted for Devrat.
No special reason. I just thought Devrat= =Dev+ Rat == God’s mouse.
Since our laptop mouse always points to what we want, I thought the Gods mouse will redirect us to whom we want.
 But this time the team neglected my proposal and selected Amma.

The rest of the story shows its consequences.

Goodguggu: “Hello”
Amma:  “Hello”
Goodguggu:” Well... Err. Actually I am Goodguggu  from Pehlaj IT solutions. I got this mobile in a meeting room in our office .Do you know whom does this mobile belong to??”
Amma: (Panicking already) : ”  Mama giya sathiye ekak baluwa?”
Goodguggu: “Aunty , English? Hindi? Kannada ? mobile owner who ?”
Amma (panicking*2) : “Monawada thibuna pashna?”
Goodguggu:” Aunty, mobile whose, kiska, yaardu mobile?”
Amma : “Mobile Taraksh kumar”
Goodguggu:”Do you know which team does he work in ?? SCP or MSI ??
( This was the point when the whole office clapped in praise of her million dollar question )

Amma fainted.

But she had left enough clues to nail the killer.
The special task force went in search of Taraksh in the other wing.

In the mean time “Appa” called 3 times but no one dared to receive.

Taraksh came, got his mobile, thanked profusely and went.

Yet another job well done by the team who is always on the hunt for serving others better.

Now they were back to work.

Far away in the lobby we could hear this conversation between Taraksh and his Amma which confirmed by belief that Goodguggu had to call Devrat instead of Amma.

Taraksh: No Amma, I promise I don’t know who is Goodguggu  .
Amma (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.
Taraksh: No I did not give it to her. I forgot it in a meeting room.
Amma (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.
Taraksh: No not meeting her.. Meeting room. Office meeting.
Amma (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.
Taraksh: No she is not my team mate.Infact I had never noticed her till today.
Amma (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.
Taraksh : OK I will take care that I don’t misplace my mobile and also see to that if I misplace it , it should not be found by a girl !!!!!

And then Taraksh barged in to cubicle 420 and politely requested to Goodguggu:
“If you ever find a mobile anywhere in the world, please do not call the mobile owner's mom!!!”

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


“Hello Praveen”

“Hi, May I know who is this?”


Not that I am Sherlock Holmes, but I am good at recognizing voices. But this did not sound familiar.

“I’m sorry .I’m not able to “

“S.P Balasubramanian, 6 AM cricket. Does it ring a bell?”

“Hey, KirikMama is this you?? Man it’s been a long long time since we met. I guess we never met after school right??”

KirikMama was my classmate during high school. It had been 10 years since we last saw each other.

“Yep KirikMama at your service”

# Usual catching up of 10 years of when, where, how, why, what and how #

“So Mr. KirikMama what are you doing for a living now?”


Now here was a person who was paid for guessing( Guessing when will the feature might get completed, Guessing who might take leave this month, guessing what might be the root cause of the issue etc.So I was not accustomed to free guessing.

“I’m sorry .I’m not able to “

“I am no more KirikMama . I am Sir KirikMama . I am a lecturer at St. Ignatius College“

(Irrelevant sidetrack: In my native place the college named Saint. Ignatius had become Sant Vignesh in the local dialect .So much for religious harmony. Anyways back to the story…)

“WHAT!!! You?? Lecturer??”

I could not believe my own ears!!! (Not that I believe others ears).

And this took me to the flashback 14 years ago.

(For the cinematic effect, the flashback is in black and white)

It was Kannada period. Aadhishankar Sir (name retained as he would not read my blog anyways) was furious.

“Who is KirikMama ??”

Stunned silence. No one had seen Aadhishankar Sir so angry.

A confident student dared to ask ”Why sir?”

“What does that KirikMama think of himself? Does he think I am a fool?

He has written a Kannada song within the answer for that essay type question. Does he think I am blind? Who is he? I swear I will kill him now”

Yes, many had dared to write irrelevant stories in Social Science long answers and got away but this was in Kannada paper. That too a famous song. A record in school history. The whole class started murmuring.

“He is absent saar”, Came a voice from a student.

And that student was KirikMama himself!!!

There was hushed silence .No one dared to speak.

“He will come tomorrow. Give his answer sheet. I will give it to him.”

Now if there is no bug in your module, what will you fix?

Now when your enemy is not in front of you, whom will you kill.

Aadhishankar Sir calmed down, gave the answer sheet to KirikMama and said

“Let me know tomorrow who KirikMama is. I will teach him a lesson”

“Sure saar”

And this is how the second great escape in the history of mankind was achieved. (The first one was achieved by Houdini though).

Nothing happened next day. Aadhishankar Sir had done some background check and found out that KirikMama was the one who had fooled him and took his own paper safely. Now that there was no proof he had done some mistake, he could not be taken to the principal. Hence KirikMama was safe forever.

Aadhishankar Sir came to the class and said, “This guy has guts and is clever. He will surely come up in life. Also I am excusing you because that song you wrote in that answer was sung by my favorite singer: S P Balasubramanian “

Wow I thought .Is it this prankster who had become a lecturer? I wondered who would dare to create mischief in his class. He had not spared his PT master when he was young.

I remember once he was punished by the PT master for not polishing his white canvas shoes. He was very angry because all these years he was not punished for having similar “whiteness” in his shoes, but today when he had taken extra care to rub a white chalk on the shoes to make it extra white, he was caught.

He let off the blow of both the tires of PT masters moped “Luna”.

Not knowing who the culprit was and no way to find out, he got the air filled in a neighboring garage and went home.

Now how could a teacher who punished him for “extra white” shoes be let off so easily.

The next day KirikMama actually brought a knife and cut both the tires at various places.

The revenge was not exactly “school level” though but then he was happy and did not get caught.

And now he is a lecturer?? Unbelievable.

Once when a floppy disk was lost/stolen from our school lab, the teacher there “NIIT Nitin”, addressed the entire class telling the great loss school had occurred as the Floppy disk was extremely costly.

He even told that he would have to sell his golden ring to make up for the loss.

That evening, on our way home, KirikMama found a broken floppy disk.

Guess what did he do?? . (You can guess for free. This is a flashback and we never used to get paid for guessing then)

No. Neither did he ignore that, nor did he take it to NIIT Nitin.

He instead took it to a Jewelry store and tried to sell it off!!

If not for a whole golden ring, at least for a part of it.

All he got was a chocolate and Gyaan and that the disk was worth nothing.

And now he is a lecturer who will shape the future of a portion of our generation. I tremble at the thought of it.

I pitied on the Director of the college who had hired him. This reminded me of his another clash with the headmistress of the school itself.

It was Jan 11 1998. (9th standard)

“Hey Agnivesh, I am fed up with life. I wrote “I love you” 500 times in a book and she still does not love me.

I want to die. Keep these audio cassettes for yourself as I might not require it anymore after my death”

Agnivesh humbly and happily accepted it.

Jan 12 1998

“Hey Agnivesh, Remember that audio cassettes I gave you. Please return it to me. I am not going to die now. We are going for a family trip to Mysore tomorrow. Will think about dying after that.”

In an ideal world, Agnivesh would have returned it.

But this is Ghor Kaliyug.

Agnivesh refused to give it as it was his now and he could decide what to do with that.

Next scene:

Dirty uniform. Agnivesh’s torn shirt. Parent-Teacher meeting.

Jan 13, 1998

1 hour gyaan followed by a “I am sorry, Shake hand” session followed by an huge homework followed by seething anger.

In an ideal world, KirikMama would be waiting for an opportunity to exact revenge on Agnivesh.

But this is the land of Gandhi.

KirikMama and Agnivesh were seen eating away softee ice-cream which ended with KirikMama getting to know the address of the headmistress house.

Jan 14, 1998


Sound of stone flying followed by the glass breaking sound.

Mrs. Oditi, Head mistress of Arunima high school comes out running.

In an ideal world, KirikMama would be seen running on some cross road.

But this is the land of Satyavaadi Raja Harishchandra

KirikMama was at the gate. Smiling

He looks at the madam and says

”Someone threw a stone and ran away in that direction. His uniform tells me he is from the Vipanchi High school.But today is festival day.So do not waste your time thinking about it too much.

Happy Sankranthi” .Telling this he offers her a plate of Yellu Bella and Kabbu, enjoys a nice tea at her house and lives ….

….Lives to become a lecturer one day.

Weird but true. That little Prankster is now the lighthouse to many students.

I am sure none of them can even think of any mischief in his class and that this reformed being will make a great teacher!!!!

The twists of life are indeed interesting.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Movie Chasers

Date : May 7, 1999

Movie Title: The Mummy

Directed by : Stephen Sommers

Running time : 125 minutes

Studio : Alpha Ville Films

Sandeep: Have you heard of that movie?? It seems it’s awesome. We need to watch it someday

Praveen: Sure we will. Lets wait till everyone watches it and then we can go on any day as we can get tickets easily then.

Sandeep: Sure

Date : Aug 7, 1999

Praveen: Hey what happened to our movie plans?? We were supposed to watch “The Mummy”. I have heard it’s awesome.

Sandeep: Let’s go tomorrow.

And that started our journey of watching a movie which we both wished to watch.

Next day morning we found out that the movie is playing in only one theatre in Bangalore but since we had made up our plans we set out to watch it.

Date : Aug 8, 1999

Time: 9:15 AM

Sandeep: Let’s go to Majestic. I think this theatre is there. All theatres are there.

Praveen: OK

Time: 10:30 AM

Location: Majestic

Passerby: That theatre is not in Majestic. It’s in Rajajinagar. Get down at blah, blah blah

Time: 11:15 AM

Location: Rajajinagar

Chai shop owner: Oh that movie is not playing here .Its in Nagarbhavi. Show is at 1:30.You can easily reach there after having lunch.

Time: 12:10 PM

Location: Nagarbhavi

We both sat in some hotel and had Masala Dosa. Tired and frustrated we thought of giving up and returning back to our sweet homes. But then we heard the spider of King Bruce laughing at us. So we filled our stomach and started hunting for “The Mummy” again.

Time 1:15 PM

Location: Nagarbhavi

Oh, that movie was playing till last Thursday. Friday we got a new movie.Watch this too.Its awesome.

Sandeep :(

Praveen :(

Oh then if you really wanna watch it it’s playing in RPC layout.4:30 show.

That theatre is a bit hard to find .You can still try.

Time 1:45 PM

Location: Don’t know …locating the theatre

Time 2:45 PM

Location: Don’t know …locating the theatre

Time 3:00 PM

Location: Don’t know …locating the theatre

Conductor: Hmm, Which class?

Sandeep: SSLC

Conductor: You look like good boys. Why do you have such bad habits??

Sandeep: (puzzled)

Praveen (ditto)

Conductor: Do you know small kids should not watch in such theatres??

Sandeep: Err …Oh

Praveen: But we want to watch “The Mummy” there.

Conductor: Oh then you are going to a very wrong theater.They don’t play “The Mummy" kind of movies but only play “A” certificate movies there!!!

And this brought us to the end of our first tiring, un-successful movie weekend.


Date: May 26, 2011

Movie Title: Kung Fu Panda 2

Directed by : Jennifer Yuh Nelson

Running time : 90 minutes

Studio : DreamWorks Animation

Sandeep: Have you heard of that movie?? It seems its awesome. We need to watch it someday.Its in 3D too

Praveen: Sure we will. Lets wait till everyone watches it and then we can go on any day as we can get tickets easily then.

Sandeep: Sure

Date : June 3, 2011

Praveen: Hey what happened to our movie plans?? We were supposed to watch “Kung Fu Panda 2”. I have heard its awesome.

Sandeep: Let’s go tomorrow.

And that started our journey of watching a movie which we both wished to watch.

This time we were bigger, stronger and smarter.

We exactly knew which theatre it was playing, what time, ticket price, how to book and everything else you need to know about the movie.

The thing we did not know?? That “IF YOU KNOW HOW TO BOOK A TICKET ONLINE, THEN BOOK IT”

And due to a small communication gap, neither of us booked a show we went to try our luck and check if we get tickets.

Date : June 4, 2011

Location: Mantri Square

Time: 9:00 AM

Sandeep: Mall opens at 9:30 AM.Till then we have to kill time.

I took a knife and he took a pistol and we killed time.

Location: Mantri Square

Time: 9:38 AM

Box Office Assistant: Sorry Sir, we don’t have tickets for KungFu Panda.Its houseful.

Wow we thought, even after 12 years nothing had changed.We still were unsuccessful to get a ticket to be able to watched a movie “we wished” together.

With no better option we bought tickets for “Hangover”.

(The small effort to waive our badluck by trying to exchange our tickets with some teenagers who were denied “Hangover” flopped miserably when they were caught at the door before entering the screen and we had to swap them back)

The movie was good. We had indeed watched a movie together.,But the catch was this was not a movie “we wished” to watch .After watching the same we came out, Had a can of Pepsi and were fretting about our badluck when Sandeep had a brainwave.( It was my brain.He just had a wave).

Now that we had enough money, a bike to roam around and enough multiplexes why not give our dream of 12 years another chance?

Off we started.

Location: Garuda Mall

Time: 12:05 PM

Box Office Assistant: Sorry Sir, we don’t have tickets for KungFu Panda.Its houseful.


Location: Rex

Time: 12:15 PM

Box Office Assistant: Sorry Sir, we don’t have tickets for KungFu Panda..Coz its not PLAYING HERE.


Location: Lido Mall

Time: 12:45 PM

Box Office Assistant: Sorry Sir , we don’t have tickets for KungFu Panda.Its houseful.

The spider of King Bruce was still laughing at us when a BMTC bus ran over it and it was crushed to death. May its soul rest in peace.

Location: Sigma Mall

Time: 12:45 PM

Box Office Assistant: We do have last 2 tickets. Front row .Is it OK ?

Sandeep: I can kill your husband to get that seat!!!

And after 12 years, we finally found our ‘inner peace” and were able to watch a movie which “we wished” together.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Born to be an engineer-2

Here is an interesting conversation between me and my team mate (I was on an on-call support) and the impact of being misinterpreted by my granny’s friend (who herself is a senior citizen)

Me: Actually I am not the right person to look into the issue. There is a tiger team specially created in our team to support customer issues. Please contact them.

ಈ ಯಮ್ಮ ನೋಡಿದ್ರೆ ಇವ್ನು software engineer ಅಂಥ ಹೇಳಿದಳು , ಇವ್ನು ನೋಡಿದ್ರೆ forest ranger ರೆಂಜಲ್ಲಿ tiger team ನೋಡ್ಕೊಳುತ್ತೆ ಅಂತಾನಲ್ಲ .

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: Yaa you need to run the ant command for that .That will create a build package.

ಇರುವೆ ಬಂದ್ರೆ kerosene ಹಾಕಿದ್ರೆ ಎಲ್ಲ ಓಡಿ ಹೋಗ್ತಾವೆ . ಯಾವ building ಆದ್ರೆ ಏನು ? ನನಗೆ ಅನಿಸುತ್ತೆ ಆ package ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಸಕ್ಕರೆ ಇರಬೇಕು ಅಂತ .ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಇರುವೆ ಬಂದಿದೆ

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: The problem is whatever python script we wrote comes as a different package. So for that there is another make script.

ಹೆಬ್ಬಾವಾ ? Package ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಹೆಬ್ಬಾವು ಇದಿಯಾ ? ಅಯ್ಯೋ ಅದನ್ನ ಕೊಂದರೆ ಸರ್ಪ ದೋಷ ಬರುತ್ತೆ . ಈ ಯಮ್ಮನ ಮೊಮ್ಮಗನಿಗೆ ಹುಷಾರಾಗಿ ಇರೋಕೆ ಹೇಳ್ಬೇಕು .

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: Yes exactly , the same information is uploaded in the PIGS (People Innovators and Genius Solution.) page too

ಹಂದಿ ನಾ ?? ಛಿ ! ಕಾಡ ಹಂದಿನೆ ಇರಬೇಕು .

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: Use cat /etc/hosts . What is your problem ?

ಬೆಕ್ಕು ಅಡ್ಡ ಬಂದರೆ problem ಇಲ್ದೆ ಇನ್ನೇನು ?

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me:Ya thats exactly what we call phishing.So we need internet security.

Fishaa ?ನದಿ ಮೀನಿಗಿಂತ ಸಮುದ್ರದ ಮೀನು ಸೂಪರ್ ಆಗಿರುತ್ತೆ . ಮೀನು ಕೊಳೆತು ಹೋದ್ರೆ ಸೊಳ್ಳೆ ಬರದೆ ಇರುತ್ತ? Mosquito net ಒಳ್ಳೆ ಸೆಕ್ಯೂರಿಟಿ ಕೊಡುತ್ತೆ.

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: For that sorting we put them into binary trees

ಮರಾನಾ ? ಇವನು guarantee ಕಾಡಲ್ಲೇ ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡ್ತಾನೆ. ಕಬಿನಿ, ಬಂಡೀಪುರ ಮುಳ್ಳಯನಗಿರಿ ಅಂತಾನೆ ಇರ್ತಾನೆ.Software engineer ಅಂತ ಚೂರು ಅನಿಸುತ ಇಲ್ಲ .

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: yaa you need to kill that process if it hangs.

ಇದೊಳ್ಳೆ ಚೆನಾಗಿದೆ. ಅಲ್ಲ ಯಾರಾದ್ರೂ hang ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಂಡ್ರೆ ಅದು ಆತ್ಮಹತ್ಯೆ ಅಲ್ವ? ಅವನನ್ನ ಮತ್ತೆ ಏನಕ್ಕೆ Kill ಮಾಡ್ಬೇಕು ಅಂತೀನಿ . ಎರಡು ಬುದ್ಧಿ ಮಾತು ಹೇಳಿ ಬದುಕಿಸೋದು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಸಾಯಸ್ತಾರಂತೆ . ನಮ್ಮ ಕಾಲನೆ ಬೇರೆ. ಏನ್ ಕಲಿಗಾಲ ಬಂತೋ

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: Ask them to provide the logs naa.Bugs can be easily investigated.

ಕಟ್ಟಿಗೆಲಿ ಹುಳ ಸಿಕ್ರೆ ಆ ಕಟ್ಟಿಗೆ ಗಟ್ಟಿ ಇಲ್ಲ ಅಂಥ ಅರ್ಥ.ಅದು ಬರಿ ಕೆಂಡ ಕಾಯಿಸಲು ಉಪಯೋಗ ಮಾಡ್ಕೋಬಹುದು .

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: yes after implementing run make minus e (make -e)

ಮಾನಸಿನಾ? ಯಾರಪ್ಪ ಇದು ? ಅವತ್ತು ನಗ್ತಾ ನಗ್ತಾ cab ಇಂದ ಇಳಿತ ಇದ್ಳಲ್ವ ಅವಳೇ ಇರಬೇಕು

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: Yaa the universal serial bus driver is not installed.

ಏನು ? ಬಸಲ್ಲಿ ಡ್ರೈವರ್ ಇಲ್ವಾ ? ಮಾಡ್ಲಿ conductor ಕಿತ್ತು ಹಾಕಿ ಡ್ರೈವರ್ ಗೆ ಎಲ್ಲ ಕೆಲಸ ಕೊಟ್ರು . ಈಗ ಡ್ರೈವರ್ ಇಲ್ಲ ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಟಿಕೆಟ್ ತಗೊಂಡಿರೋವ್ರೆ ಗಾಡಿ ಓಡಿಸಬೇಕಾ ?

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: You run the command “man finger” you will get all info of how to use it.

ಏನಪ್ಪಾ ಇದು ? Ladies finger ಕೇಳಿದೀನಿ !! ಇದೇನು man finger?? ನನಗೆ ಅನ್ಸುತ್ತೆ ಕಾಡು ಬೆಂಡೆಕಾಯಿ ಗೆ man finger antaareno.

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: For those two elements we communicate using SOAP messages.

ಈಗಿನ ಕಾಲದ soap ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಏನೂ ಇರೋಲ್ಲ .Mysore sandal soap best ಅಪ್ಪ .

My Teammate (on phone): Blah blah blah blah.


Me: No No Vim is improved version of vi.

ಅಯ್ಯೋ ಅದು ಪಾತ್ರೆ ತಿಕ್ಕೋ soap.


Me: The problem is we don’t follow waterfall model. Instead we follow Agile.

ಏನಂದೆ ? waterfall ಹತ್ರ ಇರೋ model ನಾ follow ಮಾಡ್ತೀರಾ? ಆ ಬಡ್ಡಿ ಮಗ Mallya kingfisher calendar ತೆಗೆದು ತೆಗೆದು ನಮ್ಮ ಹುಡುಗರನೆಲ್ಲ ಹಾಳ್ ಮಾಡ್ದ .ಆ SOAP Liril ಇರ್ಬೇಕು .ಅದೇ ಹುಡುಗಿ waterfall modellu.Agile ?..ಅಜ್ಜಿ ಇಲ್ಲ ..ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಅಜ್ಜಿ ತಾರಾ ಇಲ್ವಾ .ಯಾವ್ model ತಾನೇ ajji ತರಾ ಇರುತ್ತೆ .ಅವ್ನು ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡೋ ಕಾಡಲ್ಲಿ ಜಲಪಾತ ನು ಇದೆ ಅಂತ ಆಯಿತು .ಇವ್ನು ಆಡೋ ಮಾತು ನೋಡದ್ರೆ ನಂಗೆ ಒಂದ್ ಅಂತು ಅರ್ಥ ಆಯಿತು ,

He is Praveen and he is not a software engineer !!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Born to be an engineer

I came, I answered, and I passed.

I was now an Engineer. A dream came true. 0.5+10+2+4 yrs after I first learnt the letters “e-i-g-n-r”, now I was what I was destined to be. An e-n-g-i-n-e-e-r.

I was now an Engineer. Or so I thought.

Now that I was an engineer I need to do something.

Something = Help someone technically who was not an engineer J

And thus an announcement was made to the world that an engineer was available to give solutions to all their problems.And then the cases started pouring


Case : Please check this blue print or my house and tell if everything is right. Can’t trust other engineers these days. You are also an engineer right? So I came to you.

Solution: Err.. Hmmm..Actually I am not that type of engineer. I am not specialized in that. Sorry can’t help you .

Reaction: I don’t know what that guy studied. May be he flunked in some subjects or did not pass his engineering. I should not have come to him. He is a total waste.


Case : The tubelight in my store room is not working. You are an engineer right? So I came to you. Can you please repair it.

Solution: Err.. Hmmm..Actually I am not that type of engineer. I am not specialized in that. I will still try to help you.

  • Checked the starter
  • Checked the fuse
  • Checked the tubelight
  • Gave up
  • Advised him to buy a new tubelight.

Reaction: He is good for nothing. Simply claims to be an engineer, If I had to buy a new tubelight why would I have gone to him?

Reaction: He is good for nothing. Simply claims to be an engineer, If I had to buy a new tubelight why would I have gone to him?


Case : I took my bike to repair yesterday. Seems some piston problem. You are an engineer right? So I came to you. Can you please explain what’s it?

Solution: Err.. Hmmm..Actually I am not that type of engineer. I am not specialized in that.Aap jaa sakte hai …namaskaar.

Reaction: Case 1 and case 2 told me not to come to you . Still I came.They were right and you are NOT an engineer.


Case: He he … so you are also going to devrigegotturu?


I am also going there. My son is a software engineer there.

Oh good, I am also a software engineer.

Really, you also work in Infosys.

Err. No



And you said you are a software engineer.

Yaa, I work in Google.

My son is in Infosys. He got x% in engineering and is earning y per annum.If you would have studied like him you would have got into Infosys or Wipro instead of some unknown companies like Google. Send your resume to him; I will check if I can help you in some way.

I got (x+8)% in engineering and am earning (y+2lakhs) per annum.

Oh is it?? But you can never be sure when these small companies which pay more shut down.I still suggest you to join Infosys and be safe like my son.

^%#@#$@%#$@& ,.

Case : So what do you do in your factory?

Not factory, it’s a software company.

Ya ya both are same. What do you do there?

We write software that deals with mobile communication

Oh mobile company? My mobile battery gets discharged very soon. You work in that company only .Can you please repair it?

My reaction:

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Yehi hai right choice baby... Aha !!

Morning walks are always refreshing. (If it’s rarely taken).As usual after a long time I was taking a morning walk at a road near to my house.

The birds were chirping, the cool breeze was blowing, blah blah blah.Since there were few people on the road I could walk anywhere. And this time I was walking on the right side of the road when suddenly a small girl noticed me "breaking the rules" and asked her dear mommy,” Why is he walking on the right side of the road when everyone knows that we have to walk in the left side"

I overheard it and now was in a dilemma.

On my right side there was my ego which said: "Why listen to some kid and change your track when there is no traffic and you are the king of the road"

On the other side there was my righteousness which said: “She is right, if I don’t change my track now, I will be setting a bad example to the future generations!!!”

Guess who won: My ego or my righteousness??)

Well, I just did the "Right" thing and walked on the "right" path ;-)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Save our tigers

This blog is dedicated to my wonderful team or more precisely a new team which is going to be formed.I know that most of my non-team mates might not relate to them but its least 30 people in this world know what it is :))


"Oh my God, we now have to change all our posters" exclaimed Raghav.

Raghav worked for Wildlife Institute of India who had recently released a campaign for "Save our Tigers".

"Why? What happened? “questioned his boss.

"You remember that we have advertisements spread all over that there are only 1411 tigers left in India?" and we published on the website too:

"Of course yes, 1411 is average estimate of India's wild tigers, as per the monitoring exercise by Wildlife Institute of India in association with NTCA, Government of India in 2008. Now what happened?"

"We might have to change the numbers. It’s grown to 1419 now"

"What?? How come the number rose suddenly? Did some of the tigers give birth to cubs??"



"As per the information I got from some team in Bangalore, there is an ambush of tigers ranging from 6-8 tigers found wandering near Lumbini gardens"

"Is it?? How could we miss them? Were they of different species or something?"

"Might be. It seems that ambush is called as "Customer Deployment Tiger team".

"Oh a team of tigers!! Now this is great news. Did you get any more information?"

"Yeah, they belong to a species which feed on tiger biscuits and smear tiger balm on their foreheads."

"How come this team crop up all of a sudden??"

"It seems that there was a gang of wolves ,named Wolfgang and other gangs that was troubling innocent developers in Bangalore. May be nature chose to address the issue and hence these tigers were born”

"Hmm time to redo the posters .We will do it once we know how many tigers were found there"


Meanwhile in the den the tigers were made to sign the contract that while they are in the tiger team the tigers cannot join the Lions club as an animal cannot be a lion and a tiger at the same time. Last heard some of the tigers are attending training, learning how to roar instead of saying "Hello" on phone. It is still not confirmed if the tiger team will have any tigress or not but some of the female species are already against the male name to the team. But the fact remains that the PIGS are not in the tiger team for obvious reasons. The persons who are not in the tiger team and who were not the pigs will remain bakras as always.

One could hear Tiger Prabhakar (Kannada actor), Tipu sultan (tiger of Mysore) and the LTTE (Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam) members laughing heartily in the sidewings!!!