Saturday, January 30, 2010

Ajab Vijnas ki Gajab kahani :)

Disclaimer: The character and incidents portrayed and the names herein are factual and any similarity to the name, character and history of any person, living , is entirely incidental and these are the same characters who are going to kill me once they read this blog.

I had read this somewhere on the net.
The fastest means of communication are:
  • Telephone
  • Television
  • Tell-a-woman.
I was convinced about the first two but had some doubts on the third but last week's incident proved that the statement was indeed correct.

Let me explain you in stages:

The main characters:
The experimental girl in question,say Aneev was the victim
Another peculiar character Vijnas was the pawn.
Ari, Ardnejar, Ayra-whsia,Hsirah and Yhtra are other team members.
Ainos and Ihturhs : Two females who unbelievably were able to hold a secret for more than 2 hrs.
And the innocent me :-) was the one who starts the ignition.

The background.:
Aneev was about to be in a deadlock..err wedlock in May 2010 and was obviously very excited about it.She would eavesdrop every conversation which had the catchwords "Marriage,Husband/Wife,Girlfriend/ Boyfriend, Love-story " and similar words. While having a normal chat during the "working" hours in the office , about her engagement, huge telephone bills after engagement, its after-effects and other junk talk , I casually remarked that Vijnas too gets huge mobile bills as he too has a girlfriend. Now the antennas of Aneev got extra receptive and she started enquiring about her.Taking the joke further I told that Vijnas has a long term girlfriend and is now his fiancee.They are planning to get married and the only problem is that she stays in a place called Assiro while he is in Bengaluru.This guy Vijnas acted shy as if the say whatever I told was true.(he obviously hoped that it would be true)

Background part II
Many weeks after the above scene, Vijnas went to a trek to some hill in Karnataka and to show off that wonderful(!?) effort put his pics in a social networking site Akhrot.

Back to the present:

As I told I will explain the story in stages or to make it more specific the explanation will be in the states of matter.

Solid State:
When the unsuspecting victim Aneev was going to drink water,I stopped her and told her that Vijnas had uploaded his fiancee's photo on the web. Before I could finish my sentence, this ever- curious girl goes to Vijnas

Aneev : Hey, I heard you have uploaded some special photos in the web?? Kya baat hai??

Vijnas(wondering why she was interested in his trek photos) : Err... Hmmm ...yes I have uploaded but am not sure whether they are special !!

Aneev: Choo chweet. Our big boy is soooooo shy !!! Can you share that link with me?

Vijnas: Of course ,I have a meeting now.. anyhow I don't concentrate there..will send you the link during that meeting..

Aneev: Hmm, I'll be waiting !!

And within 3 seconds she tells this info to another girl Ayra-whsia in the team
Now 2 people waiting for the link

Liquid State:
(Inside the meeting room)

Vijnas: Hey Praveen, I am liking this company I'm working in.

Me( very surprised) : Why???

Vijnas: In my previous company no one would care even if I would have conquered Mt.Everest,but here I climb some hill and team mates already are interested in the photos !!!

I do some reality check and then find it out that this was the effect of the fire I lit 30 min back ;-)
To avoid further miscommunication I promptly tell him the truth and burst his "I-am-liking-this-company" bubble with a "Ha-Ha-Gotcha" needle.

The story would stop if he sent Aneev his trek photos.
The story would stop if he had told her the truth.

But when Vijnas proposes Praveen disposes !!

I give him another blockbuster idea. " Send some random girl photo to her "

Now Ardnejar and Hsirah too join the fun. All the fantastic 4 of us do a quick search,brainstorm and zero down on one particular genuine looking photo and download it.

Vijnas promptly forwards it to Aneev with a subject " Please don't share with anyone"

This is the point where the 3rd fastest mode of communication "tell-a-woman" comes into play.
And the subject line " Please don't share with anyone" gets converted magically to "Plz tell it to everyone" when it reaches a girl's mailbox.

Gaseous state:
We are still sitting in the meeting room working on the planning of the new feature oblivious of the fact that the simple mail sent to one team member had caused an explosive chain reaction outside the meeting room.

One small mail to Aneev, one giant leap to the rumor!!
The rumor mills had already started working !!!

Two girls Ainos and Ihturhs who were told this secret earlier now act as as a catalyst to the fire and pump more fire into Ari and Aneev's ignorance.

Within 45 seconds almost 77.3% of the team came to know about Vijnas girlfriend.
Within 58 seconds another girl Ari concluded that she might be just a time-pass girlfriend of Vijnas.
Within 67 seconds Ari's friend Amirag from another company,in no way related to our team, came to know about the news.
Within 83 seconds another team member Yhtra announced that she has deciphered some subtle hints and had doubted that he had a girlfriend long long ago ( she wanted to prove that she knew the news before others).She also pointed out that the sweets he got from hometown some time back was actually for this reason.
Within 90 seconds all members had reached a common conclusion " THEY MAKE SUCH A CUTE PAIR" with the common question "Will she shift to Bengaluru or will he move to Assiro"?

Plasma state (for those who don't know, this is the fourth state of matter):

Vijnas comes out of the meeting room unaware of the wildfire about his impending marriage and gets summoned by the manager.
Manager: "Look Vijnas, we are going to take many features in the coming months.Please let me know you marriage plans ASAP so that I can plan accordingly !!!"

Vijnas faints.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A fulfilling journey

Yes,we had finally decided to visit our relatives..after a long time.Its a very good habit to meet your relatives every now and then.
So we(I and two of my cousins ) set out to one of the most fulfilling journey of our lives.(You will know why it was so fulfilling in a few minutes.)

We landed at our first point.We thought since the time was 2:00 PM ,it was not right to visit someones house now ,as they would have just finished their lunch and we would land in an uncomfortable situation if they had to prepare one for us all over again.Thus the best idea was to have a food in some decent looking hotel.Now once you are in some temple of food ,its a sin to come out half empty.So we ate our hearts out and when we felt that the waiter was feeling that he now knew the reason for the famine in Somalia, we had to stop eating and leave.

Officially our first point started now.After the initial welcome talks we were offered lunch.We politely declined( and we had too..remember that famine in Somalia?) .So we were offered sprite (Oh what a respite !!) and chips.With whatever space we had in our digestive system we gulped down sprite with full spirit.We thanked them for their warm welcome and headed to destination-2.

Destination-2 had our grandfather waiting for us.Which meant that we had to give in to all the "respect your elders" sentiment and finish the Kesari bath in generous quantity served to us.Yes it did have that wonderful aroma ,beautiful colour and lots of cashew in that but then my belt was in the brink of giving up the fight of holding my stomach.
But yes ,we loved our elders and ate the Kesari bath like true warriors fighting for their country even though they are fatally wounded.
We had to get down the lift one by one as the lift would beep and never allow more than one of us to enter due to weight limitations.Stairs was never an option to us then :-)

We went to destination-3 on an auto who charged one and half of meter charge as he included extra charge for luggage.(yes he was pointing to our stomach).We were empty handed but yet felt pity on his auto which had to carry too much weight.

Destination -3 had a really caring aunty who thought we had become thinner than the last time she saw us and cursed our company for giving us so much work.Although we yearned for her curse against our company to come true ,we really had to ignore her former thought.But again ,we had a pre-committed sin.We had not met her for the last 2.5 yrs and the chances of you becoming thinner is proportional to the last time someone sees you and the only way to purify ourselves was to finish the chitranna she prepared with the tea.
This was the ultimate test of our never say die attitude.We realized why we were born in this planet.We had to eat it to save mankind from becoming thinner forever.Yes we did it...
The broken belt was dumped in the dustbin.

Just when we thought all was well we were caught by some friendly neighbourhood aunt of my aunt !!!! She said she had heard about from a long time but had not got a chance to see us ( we were now convinced about worth on this planet ).So as a mark of her happiness she offered each of us a 330ml of coke.Her logic was simple.We youngistaan guys would only eat pizzas and burgers and would never say no to soft drinks !!!Yes the logic was simple but this was cheating.Our contract never said that we had to respect some third party element's sentiments.Now somebody buys you a coke (without your consent) and is uncorked before you stop them you have to oblige.And as honorable citizens of India who abide by the culture of respecting each others sentiments, we started drinking that too...believe me this was the first time I hated a soft drink in my life...drop by drop we finished drinking it..

And I need not tell you after all this , I still had to return to my cousin's home and have some food as I had returned after a tiring round of meeting my relatives.

Moral of the story:
1. Do not eat till you are stuffed before going to any relatives house.
2. Don't visit more than 2 relatives back to back and that too if you are visiting them after a long time.
3. My stomach is as big as my heart !!!!